What others have said:
Wow! That's some story. It gave me goose bumps as I read it which means to me that you are pretty close to the truth!
I found it well written and you manage to convey a sense of the olde english in Ralph's speech. I didn't have any significant theological problems with the story, in fact you clarified a few things I hadn't really thought about - food for one thing and the way technology could be used in heaven. I do hope there are computers in heaven - with good software!
I don't think you need to change anything. The style is good, the footnotes help and you could put in more (to explain things in more detail). I don't agree with Gareth's comments about footnotes and will be interested to hear his theological objections.
My wife is also enjoying the tale, by the way.
Julian Fitzherbert
That pretty much sums up what I believe about death. The 'Afterword' has
also convinced me even more that this is what the Bible says about the New
Heaven and the New Earth.
Chris
Well, I've read it: you write well, but I wish you preached less. (Or at least had some way of integrating the preaching more successfully with the story. I suppose the preaching is actually the main reason for the story...) I'd also lose most of the footnotes and shorten others, and change "the soon return of Christ" to "the imminent return of Christ" near the start.
You will probably not be surprised to hear that I disagree with most of the
particular points on which I felt preached at, but of course that's no
criticism of the writing which, as I say, is good. (If you want comments on
the theology, you can have them.)
Gareth McCaughan, Dept. of Pure Mathematics & Math. Statistics, Cambridge
University, England.
Dear Ken, Have downloaded Sir Ralph and have read about three quarters.
Richard has read it too. I really have enjoyed what I've read so far. It's
not quite how I imagined it as I expect something more immediate but I can
see that your story could be a good tool for those with little knowledge of
Christ's return. I like the style. It is very readable. I find I am
reading at speed so that I can get to the next chapter to discover what will
happen next. God bless,
Vee